What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness-A Review
This talk was originally delivered by, Robert Waldinger, the talk was titled, ” What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness” . You can watch this talk on TED.COM
The Speaker opens his talk by mentioning that 80% of the Millennials goal was to get Rich and then goes on to argue that this idea is incorrect and that they are missing out on the important aspects of life, which according to the Speaker would be, Social Connections, Happiness and Health.
We do not think that Millennials are wrong, in fact, they got everything spot on with regard to setting their priorities in life. Why would we think so? We state below our contentions and the flaws with which the Speaker as approached the whole idea of this talk here in.
Definition of Success
The definition of success today has changed. In fact, what was considered a success during the 1930’s is almost an obsolete notion today. Take a simple example of the war veterans.
During the 1930’s it was almost a passion for every living teenager to enlist and hit the war zone. But that notion drastically changed after a serious of wars, beginning with Vietnam.
Today, a survey conducted reveals, how war veterans returning home are looked down with disdain with most of the veterans ending up with stress and trauma disorders, especially of the PTSD kinds, chronic alcoholism, abandoned and homeless.
Age of Industries
With the dawning of the 70s and 80s, the perspective of life changed and the change was largely due to the industrialization. Steel Tycoon, Andrew Carnegie, Automobile manufacturer, Henry Ford, were solely responsible in stimulating the minds of the youth to aspire and strive, to desire and achieve.
How Money impacts Relationship and Happiness
A study conducted by Harvard during the 1970’s, (Money, Work, Marital stability, Alexandra Killewald) reveals that the success rate for marriages formed after 1975, largely depended on the potential of a husbands’ full-time Employment.
More so a strict correlation, between divorce and lack of full-time employed existed with high degree of statistical significance. More over, the potential suitors attributes largely depended on this single factor of obtaining a gainful employment.
The relationship between Good life and lasting relationship
The Speaker always seemed to emphasis on this very fact, relationship and good life. But he was missing out some key ingredients that goes into making one.
The essence of any relationship starts with a Man- Woman attraction. Much of the respect that a Man receives from the society largely depends on the Woman with whom he is attached too, the society call is Holy Matrimony.
Holy because it renders an aura of sacredness to the unity that the society respects and recognizes. Why is it that way? Don’t ask us, we were not included in the original design.
It has always been like that for 6000 years of recorded history and it shall always be. Now due to any reason, if the unity is disturbed, or if either the Man or a Woman were to act or behave in a manner that is not acceptable to the Union, a heavy price in the form of retribution is assigned to the Man, for the society holds him responsible for the imbalance.
Though this view on the part of the society is debatable, we shall not delve into that frontier in this discussion post.
Moving on, the spark between the two would only occur if there is some element of brilliance between the two in question.
Relationship is just fine when 2 becomes 1
He is tall, handsome, young, agile and sturdy but he does not have all of the qualities that the society considers imperative for success.
But that does not mean, he will not make it, for sure his attractive qualities will be captured by a similar or even by a better looking woman, who desires his company.
Both decide to unite and start life. They are young, restless and married. Now, as long as the count remains 2, it appears to them that they will make it through life, so they move on with life as if they have nothing to worry.
At times, it indeed appears good to be great to be young and restless. But life’s equation changes, when the count changes. A child is born, and immediately, the priorities of life for the couple changes.
It is when they hope things change, but they fail to realize that for things to change, they ought to change. But who will give them the education on that?
The point we are trying to make here is, many times, people feel that University education from Ivy leagues status would be that one important attribute that would ensure success. But it is not true. Time and again, expensive college education will not ensure prospects of a good life. Good life, we mean, economic independence.But it can surely give you an edge
Speaker’s philosophy will only stay a theory when it comes earning Relationships
The Speaker of the talk, shares his philosophy quiet liberally, but to talk philosophy without becoming economically independent would be to dawn a great suit and walk down the aisle with torn and worn out shoes.
The human radar called eyes will scan you in a minute and discard you as insane. Why? because the proverbial statement still holds good and will probably hold true till the end of time. Which is, people judge you by your wear. You may not like it but that is how things work on this planet called earth.
Coming to base again, for a family of three to run smooth, it requires, shelter, food, clean environment, dress, and societal interaction. These are the mere basics.
The speaker emphasis, long lasting relationship as the pillars of happiness, now the much important question to ask here would be, how would one start off without the basics in place?
Though the initial attraction that draws one into a relationship would largely depend on what one wears, what the PUA (Pick up artist) community popularly calls as the Peacock syndrome, but to move further deep, the behavioral of the mind would dictate the proceedings.
But for the mind to grow and be enriched, it would require a perfectly functioning body, for the body is the vessel that shelters the mind, so the question that hits back us on to square one, would be, without a stable economic condition how would one be able to sustain the growth and the development of the Body and Mind?
The Speaker mentions his own Bias
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, “Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn’t that interesting.” The Harvard men never ask that question.
Just to give a recap of the study in brevity, the research compares, the poor teenagers from Boston against Harvard sophomores. As mentioned by the speaker, the Boston men, never found life interesting. Why? because, they were handicapped by the 4 horsemen. Disbelief, Lack of Self Esteem, Poverty, Lack of Education.
All of these handicaps can be traced back to the unavailability of a stable incoming financial stream, to help sustain their families and develop.
But that was never the case with the teens who went to Harvard. Harvard being the elite school, was always the home to the rich and the famous.
Thus, the kids had better environment to live, learn and lead. Without the ideal environment, it would just be a hog wash to talk about the interesting aspects of life. As it is said, “life has nothing interesting; it is just an opportunity to create interesting things”.
To capitalize on opportunities, you need sound overall education. The Boston teens never had that, while the Harvard teens had them all. This very fact attest the bias in the research and hence the Speaker’s claim is flawed.
Speaker’s further Biases- The first is that social connections are really good for us
There is no doubt in this, for it is said, “the rich has many friends, while the poor have none”. The minute you say, you are a Harvard graduate, the welcome and the warmth that the individual gets would be a world apart to that of a Boston teen’s introduction that he was a school dropout.
One of the ways, employers hire potential candidates would be through their Bio-Data, which has several names, but we shall stick to this.
This piece of paper would give the employer every detail that he or she would require to know about the prospective employee, and research shows that the key ingredient most of the employers look for in a candidate would, his educational degree and the college from which the individual graduated from.
If all of these studies paint the ground reality, then why would the speaker put forth a talk that is contradictory to Real life data and social research?
Bias-Social connection-happiness-health
Though there is some degree of correlation between the three, but the flaw that the speaker makes here is, his inability to bring Education into the picture.
Quality education, will ensure good Social skills, and with good social skills you will enjoy happiness as one of its by products, though there are many added benefits to that, plus health to some degree.
However to ensure a high degree of health and vitality, one would have to ensure economic independence. Not just depending on gainful Employment, since all gainful employment will follow the laws of employment and that would mean retirement is inevitable. But there is just one problem in retirement as this study indicates.
Research that states that retirement is the number one cause for Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s syndrome, and there is also another research that ascertains that mortality rates increases once retirement sets in. so that leaves us to the proverbial words, “for out of the sweat of your brows though shall live”. In brevity, if you want to live a life of abundance you better stay employed and independent- sweat it out.
Conclusion
The talk does not reveal the true picture that is prevalent in today’s world. The younger generation which the world addresses them as
Millennials (a new word coined due to need) are in fact are more advanced and well informed.
To tell the truth, they have got it all right. Money is that driving force that stimulates growth, absence of growth is inertia and inertia is decay. To tell something contrary to this, is what is called sugar coated lie, good enough for talks but not for action in the real world. Go forth Millennials.
In the even of Time, Energy and Money that had been invested in making this review for the greater benefit of the society at large, we would like to conclude here by providing you with substantial research that you could read on.
The objective in providing you with these valuable information would be to empower you into making vital and key decisions that would help, aid and support you in the long run.
- The risk of divorce depends on the gains from marriage (Becker, Landes, and Michael 1977).
- Allowing couples to outsource household labor, reduce conflict, and increase leisure time (Alexandra Killewalk, 2016)
- Wives’ income may reduce divorce risk, especially when husbands’ earnings are low (Ono 1998)
- There is some evidence that the risk of divorce is higher for low-income couples (Brines and Joyner 1999; Dechter 1992),
- Husbands’ full-time employment remains positively associated with marital stability (Alexandra Killewalk, 2016)
